A client's poem on PTSD

Here is a poem a new client of mine wrote about PTSD, shared with permission. She is just beginning her journey of healing with EMDR. If you struggle with trauma, I hope this will help you know that you are not alone.

PTSD

When you feel that fear

And it’s hard to survive

And you can’t tell whether you should scream or to cry

You’re holding your breath and you don’t even know why

Heart is racing and your muscles are tight

And everything inside of you is preparing to fight

Sights and sounds around you begin to grow dim

Gotta get outta here, but the chances are slim

You never imagined it would’ve gotten so grim

You’re having trouble distinguishing the noise in your head

To what’s outside

You feel compromised

Naked and crazy and you can’t even hide

There’s a lump in your throat

You’re trying to swallow it down and still, not make a sound

Knowing it’s irrational and invisible to everyone, but you

It still doesn’t help when you’re feeling this blue

The mind palace becomes a prison, who opened that door?

Slam it, bolt it, and quickly cement it

Put it back where it was

Because, at least there, I didn’t remember what was in it.

I’m struggling now

Drowning in this flood of memories again

How do I breath and walk away for good

Leaving the past in the past

Not having it be fully understood

And I try and I try

Yet I feel so paralyzed

By fear

And angst

Someone please help me to get out of this place

It feels insane

It’s so damn hard to explain

What’s going on in my brain

My mind is not itself and it’s screaming for help

I just wanna be able to turn around

And not tremble or shudder at every little sound

Breathe deep and exhale

Let out a sigh of relief

You’ve escaped, this time

Those fears are not coming true

The only person still reliving it, is you.